your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
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