Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Randomize
