maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
