i just wanna soil my oats bro
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
