I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I'm getting married
To pizza
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
