sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
