Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
