I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
