Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
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