I must be too annoying 4 u.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
