I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Randomize
