Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
