I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
