wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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