I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
