I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
