haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
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