Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Randomize
