happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
