You just made me feel so damn special
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize