i just wanna soil my oats bro
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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