An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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