Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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