I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
