God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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