I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Randomize
