i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
