Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
