im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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