Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
