I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
