I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
tell me about the eggs
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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