and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
