So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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