TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
