Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Randomize
