He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
