Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Randomize
