im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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