i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
