I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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