come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
