Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
