exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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