When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
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