No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
