I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
