just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
