Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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