I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
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