dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
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I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
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so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
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