i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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