did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
