you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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