Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
