my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
