Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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