You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Randomize