wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
