I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
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My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
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Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
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