come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
