Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
why is half of my head shaved?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize