walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
My butt remains clenched, sir.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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