Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
