the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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